I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
