her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
