If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
