don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
