he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
