no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
