Your face is a jimmy john
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize