Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize