wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
