what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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