im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Terrible idea I love it
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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