why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
