those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
