If i come over, it means nothing
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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