She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
