Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
