Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
