My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
