someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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