Have you finally orgasmed yet?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
