and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
