Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
It's never too late to be topless.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
