Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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