this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
