Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
