I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize