do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
