the condom got lost in my hair
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
