sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
