I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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