I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Randomize
