my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
