We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
