I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
My bed is full of blood and feathers
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize