Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
barbara walters just said penis...
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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