I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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