Can i not drive my cunt home
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
