she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
and she was petting her beer can
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
