I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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