you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
