Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Can I color on your dick again?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
