So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
