with your own penis?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Randomize
