I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
