Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
