The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
