we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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