I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
