I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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