You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
The power of my boobs compel you
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
