Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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