I think im going to throw up on grandma
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
