I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
