I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
