Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Randomize
