True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
