I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
