she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
