can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Randomize
