I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
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