Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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