Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
there's paper in my vomit.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
